I often hear that “Knowledge is power!” and in some ways it can be. Three months ago, I had no idea what a lymph node was or had any understanding of Lymphoma. I could probably teach an anatomy course on it now haha. The Dr. that treated me initially treated me for allergies and asthma, but it wasn’t until I started doing my own research that I basically self diagnosed myself with Lymphoma. With tools such as Google, information is available to us like never before. This is where I realized too much research and knowledge isn’t power at all, but can actually be a weakness. I’ve read so many trials and studies on patients with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and the success rate of the chemo I am doing, that I knew the importance of being in complete or at least partial remission after two months. This kept me awake in fear the few nights before my scan. I was crying and praying, every pain in my body set off a terrifying fear that maybe the cancer isn’t gone at all.
I am a firm believer that God gives us what we need to get through the hard times, many times I’ve talked about the peace that God has given me whether His plan for me is life or death. But in other ways, He has been there in ways that I can’t just say it is a coincidence. Let me explain, on the day I got the confirmed diagnoses, my girlfriend flew in later that night. There was no way we could have planned these things to happen on the same day. I totally was able to push the sadness aside, and hangout with her and enjoy those days. During my first chemo treatment, my Brother Luke, his wife Beth and their daughter Brielle, who live in BC were there to comfort me. There have been many examples of how God has been showing up for me and proving He is with me along this unfamiliar path. Even though it seemed the chemo was doing its work in my body there was the anxiety that I felt thinking “What if it’s not working?” Monday, Nov. 27th came and I drove to Saskatoon alone for my pet scan to see how I was responding to treatment. I just was alone my thoughts and anxieties, I would go to the hospital for my scan and then drive home alone all the while worrying about the results. I was praying that God would be with me or show me that I am not alone in this. Then a short while later I received a call from my girlfriend Mandi. She lives 7 hours north of Edmonton in a small town called La Crete, so it’s a big deal whenever we get to see each other. While I was going for my scan, she was going to be driving to Edmonton then fly the next day to visit me in Regina. Instead, God had different plans. The roads were bad going to Edmonton and we were worried if she would be able to come at all. But as she was about to leave she got news that her Cousin who flies small airplanes for work, was actually flying to Edmonton that day and she would be able to fly with him to Edmonton! Wow, she didn’t have to drive on the snowy roads and would arrive in Edmonton. But after talking more with the pilot, she found out that he also had to fly to Regina that same day! I didn’t worry once about the scan after that, instead, by the time I got home from Saskatoon Mandi was there waiting for me! God knew what would encourage me that day and take my mind off the scan and worrying about the results.
The day was finally here when I found out the results of my scan, and the anxiety came back. I laid back on the bed in the office waiting for the Dr. to come in and give me the news. I’ve never felt so nervous in my life. She walked in, sat down and said “I have a good news, you are in complete remission.” She also said that I have had “remarkable response to treatment.” I have to complete the rest of the treatment, which is another few months of chemo but the end is in sight. This nightmare has an ending and in March I will be there. We did a lot of celebrating that day and calling my family with those results was a lot more fun than the news I was delivering only a couple of months ago. Although it feels good to be free, my life is forever changed. I promise to not take my days or health for granted, each day can be my last and I understand that. I pray that more people can see as humans, the lack of control we really have. I may have a clear scan but a drunk driver could kill me tomorrow as I drive to the gym. Forever I am on this earth, I will keep trusting God and understand that even if one day this cancer comes back and kills me, that He is good and His ways are better than my own. For now, I thank Him for healing me. I thank Him for giving knowledge to doctors and nurses that can give me chemo to save my life. Most importantly I thank God that even though I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, He loved and valued me enough that He was glad to do it. This video does a better job explaining the lack of control we as humans really have, but in some ways it also frees you up…